Minor News Coming out of Egypt.

The nation of Egypt, when not being ruled by well heeled despots or embroiled in low intensity civil wars, is doing some truly miraculous things. Not only is the nation's army containing the Zionist threat and repressing its own population, it's also winning the war against disease in particular and mortality in general.

Hot Pockets May Be Unhealthy and Other Astounding Statements.

Apparently, the fat bombs known as "Hot Pockets" are, in part, being recalled. Some of the meat may be unwholesome. No worries though. Many Hot Pocket flavors are apparently still perfectly healthy aside from being "Hot Pockets."

Satan Says Murder is Bad.

Rest assured, folks. Your Satanic friends and neighbors aren't encouraging themselves to support murder. It's very important that this major religious figure weigh in with his religion's philosophy on this matter. Satanists too think murder is bad. With a little luck, your Satanist friends will be in attendance at next year's interfaith Thanksgiving potluck!

The Obama Christ

The "rapturists" are restraining themselves. Apparently, some good folks are a bit concerned that our current President might be the Anti-Christ. To be fair, the new health care website and plan is quite frustrating. Of course, the same crowd has predicted the end the end of the world on several occasions; moreover, I was lead to believe on different occasions that the big A.C. would be an Italian, Romanian, or possibly a Jewish man. 

Splat!

We don't know what was said. We don't know how this tomato tossing orgy developed, but we can't help speculate that an awful lot of fried tomatoes and ketchup were wasted in this debauchery.

Bake-Off

France and Israel have had their problems-most likely due to latent anti-semitism and the ugly aspects of Zionism, but this smooths, kneads, and bakes the tensions right out.

The Performance Art of Shia LaBeouf.

In our defense, we don't know who Shia LaBeouf is. We are compelled by his performance art, and like you, apparently, find this very relevant to an informed discourse of the days events. Cynics and psychologists may speculate that intoxicants and mind altering substances played a roll, but we think they just don't understand.

Fucking Chocolate!

  I love the courtly, graceful turns women wearing chocolate do while strolling down the runway; moreover, the stuffy cheers and polite clapping, as if this were a perfectly serious event make this all the more tasty. Americans intuitively know that this event had to take place in somewhere French was being spoken.

What Happens in New York....

This piece of fine reporting has me asking one question, "Why am I not ever invited to the good parties?"

Le sigh